Small Clot in PICC Line Makes Me Stronger

When Katie's nurse was connecting her to the TPN feelings today, she realized that her PICC line had a small clot in it. The nurse and I were shocked because Katie was only unhooked from her fluids for less than 5 minutes. As I stood next to Katie watching Mrs. Brenda slowly trying to break apart the clot with Heprin, the realization of how sick Katie is once again made me weak in the knees not to mention that I do not handle IV's and blood very well. I quickly made my way to the door as another nurse was coming in to help Mrs. Brenda. I sat down in the atrium near Katie's room. I started praying and then realized that I just needed to listen. I sat there quiet, tears falling and thinking I feel so alone; I feel that I can't handle all of this. I am not sleeping well; I miss my husband and my children. Then I remembered a lesson that I learned years ago, "The life of a person who has a relationship with Christ is not led by feeling but by FAITH." My faith is in a God that holds the whole world in His hands. He loves Katie more than I do and ,no matter what happens, He is always with me. I am not alone! I do not have to handle all of this! I can cast all my cares on Him. He knows about all of my circumstances and He is allowing them to fulfill His purpose for my good. Do I trust Him? Yes, I trust Him. Suddenly, I felt like a weight had been lifted. As the tears slowed, I thanked God for bringing Katie into our lives, for having friendly caring nurses, and for the doctors who were managing her treatment. I thanked Him for loving me and forgiving me daily.
When I got back to the room, the line still had a clot. I was told that they would contact the doctor and order some stronger Heprin. I told the nurse that I was just going to sit near Katie and pray for it to unclot. Within minutes, the clot was dissolved! Mrs. Brenda and I said at the same time, "Thank you Jesus!" Mrs. Brenda sighed and I said this was just a lesson for me. God is just in the process of making me stronger. I needed this lesson. I do not know what Katie's future holds but I know Who holds her future!

Digestive System Slow but Forgiveness is Quick

Tonight, I find myself sitting in the hospital by the bed of our sweet Katie. Katie was admitted to the children's hospital on Sunday for a Urinary Track Infection which was caused from severe chronic constipation. She had a high fever and a distended belly. After 2 days, her fever got better but her belly remained the same. Twenty-four hours later, she spiked another fever. After multiple tests and x-rays, the doctors have decided that her digestive system is not working correctly. In order for her digestive system to heal and hopefully repair itself, Katie had to have a PICC line, Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter. A PICC line is a catheter that goes in a large vein under her arm and ends at the main artery leading to her heart. It will allow Katie to receive nutrients through her vein. The doctors will also be able to take blood out of this line, so that, she will not have to be stuck every morning.
In addition to the PICC line, Katie had to have a NG Tube put in her nose that leads to her stomach. This tube will suction out any stomach gases and fluids, so they do not enter the small intestines.
Hopefully, by Monday the inflammation in her digestion track will have gone down enough for the doctor to do an Upper GI and Lower GI Scope.
Today, when Katie had these procedures done, she was given Versaid but she was awake. She knew the nurse was holding her down and she didn't like it. However, before Mrs. Brenda left the room, Katie reached for her hand and smiled. This simple act reminded me of the forgiveness of Christ. He does not like our sin but He loves us and is ready to forgive.
Katie may not ever be able to read, be able to have children, or be able to eat solid food by mouth but she can forgive and show love just like Christ. She is a blessing in my life and has a lot to teach me. I love you my sweet girl.

Advice From Your Mama

"Sierra, just remember the sins you commit in your youth might reappear in your dreams when you are older. This might not be a good thing if you are married and talk in your sleep." 

Enough said... Love, Mama

Joshua and Hannah's Day

Last night, Joshua and I were discussing something that he had done. After a few minutes, I said, "Joshua, why are you starting to cry?"

Choking back the tears he said, "Because I think, by the look on your face, you think I am lying."

Wow! I really need to watch what my face is saying!!

He was surprised when I told him that I knew he was being honest. Not only was he being honest but he spoke from his little heart.  Way to go!!!

Today, while I was at an appointment with Katie, Sierra was babysitting Hannah.

Hannah decides to RUNAWAY. She runs and sits down in the neighbors yard two houses down from ours. 

All Sierra wanted to do was check Hannah's blood sugar.

Tonight, when I was putting Hannah to bed, I asked her why she wanted to runaway and she said," I just don't like Diabetes. I am tired of getting my finger stuck and I WANT SOME CARBS!! Mommy, I am just having a BAD Diabetes day. I will get over it."

Bless her heart. All I could do is give her a hug and tell her that she is braver than me.  Then, I gently reminded her that she could not run away from Diabetes and if in the future she wanted to runaway not only would I find her but I would bring the insulin pin. "Hannah, you have to check your blood sugar and take insulin if you do not -- you will die."

"Well, then I want have Diabetes anymore!" , was Hannah's reply.

Yes, I would agree -- It has been a bad Diabetes Day.  Let's just say - SHE GOT SOME CARBS!

My Great Grandmother Knows About Suffering - by Sierra Miller

Suffering is something usually felt by all. Everyone seems to deal with suffering in their own way. One person, I have seen suffer is my Great Grandmother. She has gone through many trials throughout her life. But, she has still remained strong and a faithful Christian through everything. She lived through the Great Depression during the 1930's. She has helped her daughter through two divorces, has dealt with the death of her parents and the death of the love of her life. Recently, she dealt with some loss of vision in her right eye and many effects of old age.  For as long as I can remember, no matter what my Grandmother has been going through, she has been there for everyone.

One trial, I have personally seen her go through is the death of her son due to cancer. This year, she went through a whirlwind of emotions because of his death. Even when people were rude, hurtful and overbearing, I never saw her grow bitter towards them. Even with the emotional stress she was going through, she remained strong and was always there to listen and talk to everyone that came in her home. As I watched her deal with this hard time, I saw her inter strength come out. I saw how she handled pain and how she never tried to act miserable even when her heart was breaking.  The months after her son's death were also painful. But she handled them with grace; she has been forgiving and has now made it through the trial.

My Grandmother has taught me many things. One of the things she has taught me is how to be strong. She has gone through so much but has never given up. She has inspired me to always keep moving forward, to cling to God and to always remember that whatever trials I am going through, I will come out braver and stronger. My Grandmother Skelton continues to inspire me. She is strong, independent and sometimes stubborn. She is the kind of woman I would love to become.

Really?! I Didn't Know

"Mommy, you know what?"

"No Hannah - what?"

"Right now, somewhere in Africa an elephant farted."

"Really, I didn't know."

It is stuff like this that keeps me smiling.

Jacob

This evening, I looked out our kitchen window to see Jacob hit Joshua in the face. Palm open and square on the face. It didn't take me but one second to get on the deck and yell down for both boys to come inside.
I asked the boys if they had been wrestling to which both replied yes.

We have a rule -- NO Wrestling.

And this is why - SOMEONE GETS HIT IN THE FACE!

Anyway, I asked the boys if they were treating each other the way they wanted to be treated.

"NO".

Well, why don't you both go put on your pajamas and get in bed. You will have some extra time to think about how you should treat people and how you should follow the rules.

About an hour later, Jacob comes upstairs. I was lying down on our bed and he stopped at our bedroom door and said, "Mom, I just wanted you to know that I started the fight."

Fight? I thought it was just wrestling that got out of hand. Hmmm...

I asked Jacob to come get on our bed. I wanted to use this time to reach Jacob's heart. It really wasn't about fighting or wrestling. It was about the fact that this was Jacob's first time in 2 1/2 years to come tell me that something that was his fault and he was being honest. I NEEDED to reach his little heart. He NEEDED for me to hear him and he NEEDED me to love on him when he was the most vulnerable. (even it he didn't know he NEEDED ME.)
I asked Jacob why he felt like telling me it was his fault. "What is your motive?" "No motive, Mom. I just wanted you to know that I started the fight. It was me."

"Jacob, would you like to tell me why you hit your brother."

"Mama, Joshua hit Andrew when he was not looking. Then he pushed Wesley down for no reason. Wesley and Andrew got mad at Joshua but Joshua just kept teasing them. Wesley walked off and threw a bike and went home. Then, Joshua went to hit Andrew again and I took him down. We started wrestling. He hit me. I hit him. We wrested some more and I got up. Joshua hit me again and I nailed him that is when you called us in. I know I shouldn't have hit him but he was hurting other people and I knew I could take him."

"Well, Jacob. I am glad you want to protect your brother and friend but how could you have protected them and NOT got yourself into trouble."

"I could have pushed him down and told him to stop and then I could have gotten you."

"Yes, that would have been better. Sounds like you knew what to do. Why did you not come get me?"

"I was mad at Joshua. My anger took over. I was wrong."

"Jacob, I really appreciate you telling me the truth.  I love you so much."

Parenting traumatic children is hard but it is days like this that make it easier.
It has taken Jacob 21/2 years to come and tell me the truth without being prompted. He showed remorse for his actions and even realized that anger caused him to hurt someone. I guess all those lessons on feelings really did pay off. LOL It took courage for Jacob to come to me and he trusted me. 

I think I might break out in song - He trusts me. He trusts ME. HE TRUSTS ME!!!

I am not worthy!! But, I am thankful!!